If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
