they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
