I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
