I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
