OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just threw up on my dentist
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
