he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
babies were throwing up all over the place
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
