so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
