I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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