By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
