We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
