My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
