The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
