I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just found a bag of teeth...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
