Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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