i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
