I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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