Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
