is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just blew my weed a kiss
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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