I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
