I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
