I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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