So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
