i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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