From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
