What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You left your phone here
Wait...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
