4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
