Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
