I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
