Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
