He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
