A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
