the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
