so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize