he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
