Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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