dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
