Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
