I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
