It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
