Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
a search helicopter?!
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
