worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
