Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
