I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
