I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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