winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
