I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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