If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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