Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
