I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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