I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
